Breaking up Orlando is hard no matter what the situation is. I would have to say that if this question (How to know when to break up?) is even swimming around in your thoughts it’s probably your intuition knocking telling you that your not in alignment with your true self. First though we need to get a good definition of “true self”.
Now for about 80% of the population, they would have absolutely no idea how to answer that question. Of the 20% remaining about half would know slightly a part or few parts of their true self. That leaves the few, I referred to as awakened, or highly conscious individuals who know without a doubt the true inner essence, unconditioned self.
Why so few? Because so few are able to be honest enough to do the work of setting aside ego, conditioning and attachments to see themselves for who they are. “Perfectly imperfect”, always have been, always will be the greatest, most powerful and unconditionally loving version of themselves. In order to get to this realization though, it requires some pain. The pain comes from looking at those parts of ourselves that society tells us are bad, wrong, etc. Can you be brave enough to tell another that yes you can be manipulative, jealous, prideful, full of anger, resentment, loathing and self seeking at times. Only looking out for yourself and your own personal gain?
If you can be honest enough to do that and look at this side of yourself without judgement then you have the strength and capability to tap into your true self. Until you can see that we are all a devil and angel at times, manipulative and yet giving and loving at times, you will always have a skewed sense of self and others. You will have black and white thinking, play the role of the victim or martyr. Always believing you are right and others are wrong.
So back to this question. How to know when to break up? Well that depends now on the following factors:
If you can answer yes to any of those questions then congratulations. You are able for a second to set aside pride and ego long enough to take off the mask and see the faulty thinking patterns of today’s society. You are capable of taking ownership and realize it is never any one persons fault entirely.
Now let’s take relationships. If I enter a relationship then I have agreed to engage in a sort of game. Let’s call it a game because for most who are asleep (unaware of themselves), they blindly walk into relationships with the expectations that the other will do the dance and play by the rules. The funny thing is that: there is no rule book, no right way to act, feel, or respond.
So you both are walking into this game with your own rule book unaware that your even holding the rule book in your hand. Then you get mad, frustrated, resentful, etc at the other for not being able to trust them. Or we say to the other, “how could you do this to me”?. “I trusted you”. I love one of my greatest teachers, author, Anthony De Mello in his Book Awareness. He states, “Nobody trust anyone, get off it. You only say that but what you really mean to say is, “I misjudged this person. I had hopeful intentions and expectations of how this person was suppose to treat me and I read it wrong.”
To me that sounds a lot more accurate. But our pride and ego won’t allow that so we walk around pointing fingers at others telling them they are to blame for breaking our trust or breaking our heart. Nobody has the power or ability to break anyone’s heart unless you have bought into the lie that they can. What a powerless position to be in.
So there are several ways to answer this question but they all depend on the level of awareness and awakened state you are at. You may see a pattern if you look at your dating history and if you take an honest look you may see that you never really knew what you were doing, what you expected, what you would or would not tolerate in a relationship. If that’s the case then how can it be the other person who is at fault. Sounds to me they were just a willing participant doing life and relationships asleep as well. This is what I call “a wash”.
The point at which you can say now to yourself, “I see that I came into this relationship with a blindfold on and now that I have taken it off I see that it’s no one persons fault, we just simply do not align with our expectations.” I was blinded before by ego and false thinking that was telling me who you should be, how you should treat me, how you should act.
You must be capable of looking at every agreement and false thinking from childhood. The distorted thinking that creates the pain and suffering in your relationship currently. The whole thing rest on the premise of knowing yourself first. Make the decision to stop moving around and to stand still enough to get to know yourself. Once you do this work you will never have to wonder again. You will intuitively know the answer.
Seek the help you need now. Individual counseling is very beneficial. Together in a collaborative effort we will seek to find the self sabotaging statements you make up about who you think you are. You are not the relationship. You are love independent of the relationship.