Divorce statistics today are staggering in the U.S. Many sources say there is a 50% chance a marriage will end up divorced and the percentage grows for the second marriages. A couple doesn’t stand in front of an alter with intentions of divorcing. More than likely you have both hit a very rough patch and one or both of you are ready to call it quits. How does a marriage stop the divorce before it starts?
Below are 4 solid ways to create an environment that will support each other and the marriage. Try these for at least a month before heading to divorce court:
Fights are going to happen. Your living under the same roof now and are going to get on each others last nerve. With bills that need to be paid and dinners to cook, clothes to clean, children to raise, etc. There can be millions of things to argue about on a day to day basis. Whatever you do though, don’t give each other the cold shoulder or the silent treatment. In the moment you may find that not talking helps to relieve tension and not blow up but shortly after communication needs to start back up.
Trying to work things out constructively is key to a healthy marriage. Both explain why your upset and let each other know your feelings. Your spouse cannot read your mind. Explain to your spouse, rationally and calmly, why you are angry and, more importantly, you should give your spouse a chance to tell his or her side of the story. If you don’t express your feelings to your spouse, how will he or she know what and how you are feeling?
You would be amazed at what those two words can do and mean to your spouse. It defuses anger and a very volatile situation fast. Sorry shows that you genuinely see your part in the argument. Get your ego and pride out of the way. Are you not able to apologize ever? If it is insincere when you say your sorry you might as well not even attempt. It will only make things worse. It is insulting and demeaning. Do not hold onto your pride. Hold onto your partner and marriage. If not divorce is around the corner.
The one complaint I hear the most in therapy is a partner saying they feel not seen, heard or validated. We get complaisant in marriage and stop going out of our way to do special and kind acts to show each other we love them. It does not have to be anything major. Giving them a back rub, flower, card, surprise date night etc. Be creative but show each other that you respect them as an individual not just your spouse. You honor their spirit and uniqueness.
When others put you down you can easily start to believe what they are saying. It can chip away at your self esteem and you lose self-respect. You also lose the respect for your partner. Love quickly fades when the respect is gone. Making nasty and mean comments about each other is like poison and should be stopped immediately. Anger, resentment and rage build up quickly. It will destroy and rip right through your marriage. The anger and resentment that builds up because of constant put-downs will destroy a marriage. Respect for each other is a must.
Marriage can be a difficult relationship to maintain. There will be rough times. You both must learn what it means to give and take. Talk about your disagreements. Go out of your way to show them you care and respect them.
It is 2017. The stigma of seeking help in therapy ended about 15 years ago. Today everyone is utilizing counseling, therapy, online counseling, etc. There are countless benefits. With a therapist your able to see areas of yourself and your relationship that you would have never picked up on. A therapist helps you walk away from the tree so you can see the whole forest.
Contact me today and understand my unique approach to helping you both resolve the problems you are facing. It is not about who is right or wrong. It is about bringing awareness and alignment to yourself and to the marriage.