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Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando

Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando

Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando. What is all this talk of marriage and why so many divorces? Seems to me as a therapist on the other side of the couch I hear couple after couple tell me the same thing. “We dated for three years and then got married and since then it’s gone downhill.” “My husband and I had a great time before we got married. Then once we said our vows things have gotten worse.”

I see a common thread hear. What happens to our thinking when we place the words “Till Death Do Us Part”? Something for sure changes in the way we look at each other. Suddenly resentments and anger start flying. Assumptions are made that never go spoken. Expectations are not met and then we love to be right so we bring in the extended family so they can put their two cents in.

Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando

So why does this heavy fog lay on the couple when they are suppose to go off into the sunset and live happily ever after? I have compiled a list of what I see as some of the main reasons why so many are struggling today to find joy and peace in their marriages. Let’s look at how the conditioning of family, religion and society has played out the image of marriage.

  1. We believe that once we get married our partner is suppose to automatically just know what we like and dislike. We are suppose to be mind readers.
  2. At the alter we forgot to ask each other what their definition of love meant. We make this crazy idea up in our head that someone outside of ourselves is actually suppose to love us till death do us part. What does that even mean? I don’t have the first clue as to how much someone outside of who I am loves me or does not love me. Is it really that important?
  3. We expect to be placed on a pestle by our partner and all of our feelings. likes, dislikes, etc should be heard and acknowledged. We throw a temper tantrum when the other does not “see our pain or hurts”. Why is it their job to constantly soothe your emotional needs? Can you do that for yourself?
  4. We forget to tell each other that we are bringing into the marriage all of the past relationship drama. The fears, anger, depression, resentments, trust issues and family of origin issues never resolved. If the other partner does anything to rock your boat then trust is out the window. Did you clearly define what those mommy and daddy issues were before entering into this needs based relationship?
Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando
Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando

So why does this heavy fog lay on the couple when they are suppose to go off into the sunset and live happily ever after? I have compiled a list of what I see as some of the main reasons why so many are struggling today to find joy and peace in their marriages. Let’s look at how the conditioning of family, religion and society has played out the image of marriage.

  1. We believe that once we get married our partner is suppose to automatically just know what we like and dislike. We are suppose to be mind readers.
  2. At the alter we forgot to ask each other what their definition of love meant. We make this crazy idea up in our head that someone outside of ourselves is actually suppose to love us till death do us part. What does that even mean? I don’t have the first clue as to how much someone outside of who I am loves me or does not love me. Is it really that important?
  3. We expect to be placed on a pestle by our partner and all of our feelings. likes, dislikes, etc should be heard and acknowledged. We throw a temper tantrum when the other does not “see our pain or hurts”. Why is it their job to constantly soothe your emotional needs? Can you do that for yourself?
  4. We forget to tell each other that we are bringing into the marriage all of the past relationship drama. The fears, anger, depression, resentments, trust issues and family of origin issues never resolved. If the other partner does anything to rock your boat then trust is out the window. Did you clearly define what those mommy and daddy issues were before entering into this needs based relationship?

Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando

Cleaning up the Misconceptions

What would it look like if we could be self actualized. What would a marriage look like awake and not hypnotized or sleep walking like most of the people around us are? How does consciousness and being in the present moment, mindful relate to my marriage? To be awake means to not be associated with the mind and the story that it is constantly playing. Most believe that what they see and feel is right so they identify with the concepts of right and wrong. They have been conditioned to think there are right and wrong ways to act, think and believe. Anything outside of that persons belief system is wrong. Great teachers on this concept are Eckhart Tolle and Anthony De Mello (Awareness)

So no wonder marriages are breaking up. Everyone is screaming and throwing tantrums because “nobody understands me and nobody gets me.” Correct, they don’t. Are they suppose to or is that your job? Someone may be able to get really close to knowing you if you can clearly articulate and be intentional with your words. Most of the people whining have no idea who they are. They stay mad at others for not understanding who they are. Sounds like a real fun time? No it is not. It is years of ripping, imploding, screaming, passive aggressiveness, spewing the mess on the kids, etc. Before you get married, take the time to know why your getting married and who you are.

Marriage and Divorce Counseling Orlando

Questions to Ask Before Heading Down the Isle

  1. What does a partnership mean to me? Does it define who I am as an individual?
  2. Why am I getting married? Is this something I want or something I should do because that’s what people do?
  3. What are your expectations for the marriage? Is your partner suppose to act a certain way till death parts you? What are those things? Have you told him or her? They may not know and end up disappointing you. They are human.
  4. How many other family members on both sides are entering into this marriage? Do we have all of the toxic in laws, step parents, cousins, grandparents, sisters and brothers on board? Make sure you takes notes on their opinions, expectations and rules for your marriage.
  5. Please make sure you sit down with your partner and have the “invasion of privacy talk”. Do you both have your phones locked with pass codes? Are you all not sharing an account together for fear that the other may take out money? If your in love make sure you explain what you will and won’t tolerate as it relates to privacy and trust.

There you have it. You may want to chew on a few of these questions. You may find them helpful before you walk down the isle of blissful marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge advocate of marriage. I think it is a beautiful union between two people. We may want to change the vows a bit.

” I take John Doe to be my husband. Not because I need him. I really, really love his company. He makes the day really awesome. With myself it is awesome. Together we have a lot of fun. I can promise you today John Doe that I love you with all my heart. Tomorrow is not even real. I love you enough to be straight with you and say I love you right now.”

I love how this sounds. It is authentic and real. Start the journey of restoring your life, relationships, and redefine with your own concept and individuality what this thing called marriage and counseling are all about.

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