Awareness | Who Am I?
Awareness can mean a lot of different things to different people. This blog is devoted to my perspective of awareness and how it relates to the self. Who am I is the greatest question we can seek to explore and look to find the answer to. I would think that in our life most have asked this question even if for a fleeting second.
This question sent me on a journey to find out once the birth of my daughter arrived. I remember literally freaking out when I looked into her eyes. Why was I so scared? Why was I shaken up at the thought that this little girl was in the care of my hands? Was I ready for this ride? Could I be enough for her? Would I fail her and would she experience the life I perceived at the time was hard, troubled with addictions, anxiety, and fears that ruled me? The truth was that she was a reflection of me. I did not know who I was.
We forget that we are born full without lack. The conditioning of our parents lack, societies unrealistic false expectations, religion that is often shaming to a child, school, you name it. All of these things start to go to work pumping into the young child the sense of “lack”. Therefore we develop the sense of “I am not enough”. This is the false lie. The idea that we are not enough. We place our parents on the platform or throne of perfection and they become the god head or the standard at which we seek acceptance. How could they not?
We seek all our needs from the ones who provide food, shelter, sometimes protection and guidance. If we are told that we are not enough then of course we believe it. After all they know best right? Never did we at the time stop to think that they are just the same as we are. Human beings trying to do their very best in a world where everyone has little to no awareness of themselves. They are identified with the mind. Still living in the fight or flight response of their ancestors. Black and white thinking and right and wrong rule the everyday messages we receive.
Awareness | The Lie
We then spend our life (unless we step into self actualization, awareness and consciousness seeking outside of self to fill inside). A never ending battle of suffering. This will never work because the only one thing that is stationary in this world is myself. All things outside of myself move. If I have an expectation that someone should do a certain thing and they don’t, I am the one left suffering. If a human seeks long enough for acceptance through others approval they will hit a dead end road every time. The need for approval through attainment of money, status, etc, will hopefully create enough pain that you are motivated to start the journey or return back to self. Awareness is ready to arrive.
Waking up to Awareness
The pain is what drives us home to the waking up or awareness that there is nothing outside of our-self that can ever fill the self. We start to see that the parental figures were never going to give us what we perceived we needed. How were they ever suppose to win that battle? It is not theirs to win. No matter how well or how hard they tried to “do it right”, my parents were always set to loose this battle. There is no way we could have them meet our need for acceptance and approval. Thank goodness for this. Without rejection I would never have endured enough suffering. I had to hit rock bottom to get thrown back to myself. To the awakening that all I have ever needed is inside me.
The greatest journey one can take is the return back to self. In the return we strip away the old conditioning. We explore who we are by who we are not. Who others said we were suppose to be, act, think and feel.
Awareness | What I am Not
- I am not the girl that I perceive others thinks will fail.
- It is not true that I must be in a relationship in order to feel validated and accepted in this world.
- My need for others approval is not important. They come from a sense of lack so what they say or think is not personal anymore.
- I am capable, self sufficient, complete and whole.
The lie is that we thought we were not good enough, smart enough, worthy enough. Take the journey back to yourself. Strip away the layers of conditioning and lies you were conditioned to believe as truth. I am honored and privileged to work as a counselor and be on the front row in this process. To watch the awareness come to life and the awakening process of so many beautiful self actualized clients.