You and your partner may not feel like “partners” all the time. You both need to get back to being in a connected and unified partnership. This will begin with a change in both partners mindsets. This then leads to the change in the words we speak and then ultimately will create a change in your behavior. It’s important to remember that you and your spouse are on the same team.
You can do this by LISTENING effectively to each others concerns. Take the time to value what your partner values. When a marriage starts to feel broken, then spouses will usually start to feel unappreciated and very disrespected by each other. You cannot change the way your spouse will respond. You do have 100% control over how you will respond. Ask your spouse what they are thinking. Help them to solve challenges they are mostly concerned with. You will start to see that by being more selfless the damage can start to be turned around.
This may seem easy but in fact it can be the most challenging. When one partner feels hurt we come out the gate defensive and attempt to hurt one another. Be loving and kind. Appreciate each other Even if your partner cannot.
Take responsibility for your part (past and the present). Marriage requires you to say your sorry. Not “I am sorry but...” your not apologizing if you have a “but or however” after the apology. Try to swallow your pride and just apologize. Words that heal are, “I am truly sorry, please forgive me”, etc. When your partner does apologize, say, “I forgive you. Let go of the need to always be right.
We live in a world that worships feelings. In fact, we’ve even reduced “love” to be nothing more than a fickle feeling, but love is actually MUCH more than that. Love is an action rooted in commitment. In the days ahead, you will have all sorts of feelings. Those feelings and emotions might help you process what’s happening, but those feelings were never intended to be the compass to guide you. Instead, trust your commitments and your convictions. Stay the course. Keep fighting for your marriage (especially on the days you don’t feel like it). Your feelings will probably catch up eventually.
We all want to heal quickly. but healing happens more like in a crock pot. It takes some time. You’ll emerge out of this a stronger person and couple on the other end. Don’t give up! Keep trying and believing. Keep on striving. The end result will prove to be well worth your efforts. Being patient is often difficult.
If you really want the marriage to work, you must in all cases remain committed to giving your very best even when your spouse does not and they are at their very worse. This does go against everything in our human nature. This however is the very essence of love. “Love” isn’t really ever love until we give and show it to another who is acting very unlovable.
If you feel you could benefit from marriage counseling, then give us a call at High Expectations Counseling. We can assist to help you bring these above mentioned aspects back into your daily life with your spouse. Call us at 407-967-1327 and let’s start the healing process.