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Controlling Parents 7 Characteristics

Controlling Parents

7 Characteristics

Controlling parents have been around since the beginning of time. We all agree mostly this it is very natural for parents to want to guide their children as they start to grow up. Some parents just seem to go overboard and do not know when to stop. The following are a few traits the controlling parents may want to take a look at when deciding if you are one of them.

Controlling Parents

Seven Key Traits

Controlling parents usually always overstep their boundaries when it comes to the amount of control needed to aid and support their child. Even if they have the right intentions to bring their child up as a responsible member of society.

Many therapists, and Clinical psychologists would agree that most controlling parents come from and rule the house from the authoritarian style of parenting. This style is “say as I tell you and do not ask why.” This need to run the home like this is usually a result of their own insecurities. A healthy degree of control is important but it can often times go a bit too far.

Controlling Parents Are:

1. Perfectionists

A main characteristics with the controlling parent is that they are perfectionist. They apply the same demands and expectations to be perfect on others as they do themselves. This lead to creating very rigid and tight structure for the children.

2. Controlling Parents know what is best for their kid

The controlling parents would always say they know best. They are convinced that their way is the right and only way to do things. They most of the time do and perform things for their children because they think they can handle it better. This allows the kid little to no freedom to think and do for themselves. These children usually grown up very angry, resentful and feels overall powerless and not good enough.

3. They have extremely HIGH EXPECTATIONS

Since they are classic case perfectionists, it goes hand in hand that they would have high expectations. Immense amounts of pressure are placed on the child and they set unrealistic goals that they cannot achieve. Getting straight A’s on their test is a good example. This can lead to the teen acting out in a rebellious fashion, turning to outsiders or getting involved in risky behavior such as drugs and alcohol. They might become so dependent on the parent to solve all of their problems that they have given up trying to do anything for themselves.

Controlling Parents
Controlling Parents

1. Perfectionists

A main characteristics with the controlling parent is that they are perfectionist. They apply the same demands and expectations to be perfect on others as they do themselves. This lead to creating very rigid and tight structure for the children.

2. Controlling Parents know what is best for their kid

The controlling parents would always say they know best. They are convinced that their way is the right and only way to do things. They most of the time do and perform things for their children because they think they can handle it better. This allows the kid little to no freedom to think and do for themselves. These children usually grown up very angry, resentful and feels overall powerless and not good enough.

3. They have extremely HIGH EXPECTATIONS

Since they are classic case perfectionists, it goes hand in hand that they would have high expectations. Immense amounts of pressure are placed on the child and they set unrealistic goals that they cannot achieve. Getting straight A’s on their test is a good example. This can lead to the teen acting out in a rebellious fashion, turning to outsiders or getting involved in risky behavior such as drugs and alcohol. They might become so dependent on the parent to solve all of their problems that they have given up trying to do anything for themselves.

 

4. Controlling Parents are MANIPULATIVE

Many parents that are controlling are very manipulative and do a great job at convincing their children that the love they do show is very conditional. They may use love as a reward system for achieving success and on the flip side use harsh punishment for failures. This leaves the kids feeling very abandoned. This can go on into adult hood living in a state of constant fear of abandonment. Love is also used manipulatively to gain loyalty and affection and to bribe their children into getting what they want.

5. Controlling their Kid’s Relationships is a Must

The controlling parent will attempt to control their kid’s relationships. They will make it very clear who they are allowed to and not allowed to hang out with. When their kid’s come home, they will make sure to be right there checking them out and dominating the conversation. Rest assure that if the kid is on the phone the parent is ease dropping. They want to know everything that is going on. The have zero problem invading their personal space.

6. Controlling Parents Fill Their Kids With Self Doubt

The child’d self-esteem and self worth is impaired over the long term. The parents that are controlling instill doubt in their children. They are nit picky and hovering. Also referred to as helicopter parenting. The way they walk, talk, sit, speak are all under a microscope. Even when the child is an adult they will still feel like they are 9 years old when they are around their parents.

7. Controlling Parents Are In A Competition For the Child’s Attention

Many times the parent will drive their children’s friends away. Even driving off other family members. Controlling parents expect the child to be loyal to them first and only them. They fear being replaced. This may cause the parent to become even more manipulative. At a young age they may yell or punish the kids for not responding to their wishes. As they grown up they use money and lack of emotional support to control them.

If you find that you relate to these seven traits and want to learn how to allow your child to think for themselves then therapy can be extremely beneficial. Understand the root causes for why you feel the need to control is so strong. Family therapy, counseling for parents and individual counseling are all very helpful tools to help bring you into alignment.