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Effective Communication Life Counseling | Do You Know How At All?

Effective Communication

Life Counseling | Do You Know How At All?

Effective Communication

Effective Communication and how counseling can help you, your family, and relationship build a better bridge of dialogue.

Why is it so hard to talk to people that we love and those we are so close to? Why does it seem that family is the hardest to communicate with? I think it has to do with the feelings that arise when we try to communicate to those that we have a strong emotional connection to.

When we see ourselves as an individual in the world and not as part of a collective consciousness, we have an attitude of “me against the world”. With this perspective you go around having to defend yourself and your position all the time. We feel we must get our point across in order to be heard and seen. If we are not heard and seen we fear that we will be alone.

Effective Communication

Fear of not being heard

The perception for most when it comes to being alone is that it is better to be dead than to be alone. There’s no sense of the “I” present. The “I am” which is the total of all that is and ever will be. Totality and pure consciousness. The deep knowing of self and the blissful state of the present moment. This moment is always here to remind us, should we listen, that all is well.

Instead we live a conditioned life such as that of a puppet. Not one single viewpoint or thought is original or of our own making. It is the conditioning of all of society, your family, religion, school and everything outside of self that makes up every thought which leads to our behaviors.

In our household growing up for many people that are 35 and older, communication was not common in the home. Children were told to not feel emotions, or that we did not deserve or have the right to feel a certain way. Many parents told their children that their opinion did not matter, and that we cannot show feelings. We are told to shove those feelings down which led to imploding instead of handling our feelings effectively.

In return we never communicated or knew how to. This led to anger, frustration, and a sense that we were not worthy. Today in our society, we see parents running from the authoritative parenting style to the helicopter parenting style. This is where kids are raised to vocalize everything. Every little feeling, emotion, pain and ache. The parents are so afraid of letting their kids feel any of what they perceived as painful in their childhood. They smother, hover and enable the child to run the show. They do not see the child and meet their needs. The parent is solely meeting their own needs and fear that is causing tremendous anxiety.

Effective Communication
Effective Communication

The perception for most when it comes to being alone is that it is better to be dead than to be alone. There’s no sense of the “I” present. The “I am” which is the total of all that is and ever will be. Totality and pure consciousness. The deep knowing of self and the blissful state of the present moment. This moment is always here to remind us, should we listen, that all is well.

Instead we live a conditioned life such as that of a puppet. Not one single viewpoint or thought is original or of our own making. It is the conditioning of all of society, your family, religion, school and everything outside of self that makes up every thought which leads to our behaviors.

In our household growing up for many people that are 35 and older, communication was not common in the home. Children were told to not feel emotions, or that we did not deserve or have the right to feel a certain way. Many parents told their children that their opinion did not matter, and that we cannot show feelings. We are told to shove those feelings down which led to imploding instead of handling our feelings effectively.

In return we never communicated or knew how to. This led to anger, frustration, and a sense that we were not worthy. Today in our society, we see parents running from the authoritative parenting style to the helicopter parenting style. This is where kids are raised to vocalize everything. Every little feeling, emotion, pain and ache. The parents are so afraid of letting their kids feel any of what they perceived as painful in their childhood. They smother, hover and enable the child to run the show. They do not see the child and meet their needs. The parent is solely meeting their own needs and fear that is causing tremendous anxiety.

Effective Communication

Learn To Use Your Voice

When we do not know how to communicate our needs we suffer from connecting to others and thus lack intimacy and interpersonal relationships suffer. A kid whose voice is overvalued suffers when he or she gets into the real world and suddenly realizes that people do not really care to hear all of his opinions. Entitlement runs the show. How do we learn to start having effective communication?

I believe that it starts with being able to identify your feelings first. Are you constantly struggling to get the last word in? Do you shut down and avoid confrontation? Once you can identify the reason why you are having a problem you can then work towards building communication. Listening is just as big a part of effective communication. It is the ability to receive accurately information. Not just assuming you know what you heard and filtering it through your conditioned mind and making up any old story. Ask for clarification after you have listened.

Effective Communication

Seeking Help

Start the journey to understand yourself better and the areas in which you need help when communicating. Therapy provides a great opportunity to allow you the chance to practice newly learned skills. You will be coached in areas such as re-framing, asking for clarification, assertiveness, how to clearly state what you feel and much more. Understand my unique approach. Together let’s set you on the path towards healing and using your voice to accurately represent you.