How To Fix Relationships
How to fix relationships. Wouldn’t that be easy if we could wave a magic want and the relationship was fixed? What if I were to tell you that it can be easy if you learn a few key principle concepts that have nothing to do with your partner but all to do with yourself? Would you still be interested in reading what I have to write? Go ahead anyway and see if anything in the following list of ideas sounds useful to you.
How to Fix Relationships
Key Concepts
1. Stay on your side and in your lane.
Try sharing information only about yourself. Stop making the assumption that you know what your partner is thinking, about to say and feels. Do not cross over that yellow line and start getting into your partners business. This is a sure way to cause an accident. When you jump lanes you have left your side and now your no longer working on keeping your side of the street clean.
This is very big of you to think that the other person needs you in their lane. Maybe you should look at your tendency to want to fix and control other people (codependency) in order for you to feel better. It has little to do with actually seeing and meeting your partners needs. Just your needs are being focused on.
2. Focus only on the things that make sense.
Stop defending your position all the time. Listen for once. Your partner may be struggling to communicate or express his or her cares and concerns. Who are you to interrupt and tell them they are doing it wrong? No matter how clumsy it comes out they are valid to that person. Ask for clarification until they say that you did in fact reiterate correctly what they are trying to say.
3. Keep a calm and cool, peaceful climate.
Thunderstorms are bound to arrive. There will be large waves with anger, fear, anxiety and much more. The winds will often steer you off course or blow you over. Stay in your own lane. How would a relationship have true depth and wisdom if it were not for the storms?
When your emotions get rocked recognize first that they are not the responsibility of you partner and it is not for them to fix. You are ultimately responsible for your own emotional intelligence and ability to have the awareness it takes to regulate your own emotions. Take a break if you cannot get them under control.
4. Stop taking advantage of each other and cherish your time together.
Can you treat the other with consistent respect, politeness and affection. If you say that you love this person than why is it conditional? Are your needs not being met? This is why you flip flop from feelings of love and gratitude to anger and spite? Aren’t you the one that is shifting because your idea or expectation of how the other should act is not panning out the way you planned? Stop thinking about what your not getting and enjoy the time you have together. Let the other person be who they are.
How To Fix A Relationship
The Quick Version
Listed below is a brief list of ways to fix your relationship:
- Take responsibility for the fact that you are responsible for making yourself happy. It is nobody else’s job.
- Clean up your old belief systems of how a relationship should look. Do your own individual counseling to look at how programmed and conditioned you are by society, your parents, family, religion and your past relationships.
- Stop blaming your partner for your emotional state. Nobody can make you angry or depressed. We must give ourselves permission to agree with what another says. If it does not apply then let it fly.
- Start to realize who you are in the context of being a couple. You are not your partner and your not both responsible for each others happiness. How would that be possible to fix?
- Allow yourself to be where you are. If your upset be upset. If your feeling anxious, feel it. Don’t shift just because you want to give your partner the illusion that everything is ok. It’s never about the other person. They would like to make the assumption it is. Let each other know that you alone can bring yourself out of this funk.
How to Fix Relationships
Getting the Guidance You Both Need
My approach is direct and to the point. I think it is important for couples to understand that they will not find what they are looking for in their partners. This is a spiritual journey that must take to discover who you are. Few want to do the work. Those that do transform their lives and see their relationship go from a needs based one to a healthy and thriving interaction.
There are several benefits in seeking counseling both as a couple and individually. You only know another person at the depth to which you know yourself. Stop pointing fingers and blaming. Your just wasting time and spinning your wheels. Understand your emotional reactions and responses.
