Marriage Therapists in Orlando or at least I can speak for myself would like to let you in on a little secret. Most people hear the word marriage or relationship counseling and head for the hills. The truth is that most therapist I know including me, find couples counseling to be one of the most draining and mentally exhausting modalities of counseling. I want to be brutally honest and let you you know why.
Below are my top 5 reasons why marriage therapist in Orlando dislike marriage and couples counseling often. You will see just why I am making such a bold statement.
This is the couple that is off balance. The husband or wife has been dragged into session either by a threat or by guilt. Honestly I would rather the motivated client come alone than to drag someone to counseling who is only going to dig their heels in. Much more work can be done with only one member of the relationship. Your better off coming in for individual counseling as apposed to couples therapy.
They are just going through the motions because maybe their attorney told them it would look better to show they made an attempt before finalizing the divorce. The partner really has no desire to work on the relationship so it becomes a circus quickly on in the session. Both start to yell and anger becomes the only emotion capable of surfacing.
This is the avoidance type of client when it comes to marriage and relationship counseling. One of the partners is pretending to want the help. They may keep your eye contact and seem to want the help. This client however quickly drops off. They cannot keep the act up that long. The partner does not follow through on homework assignments, arrives late to sessions and shows little to no motivation to do any work.
This couple may understand that they need help. They both may even be motivated to save the marriage. However, pride and ego get in the way. Both dig their heels in and play the right and wrong game. This couple will never allow the sessions to go beyond the blame game no matter how hard the therapist attempts to help them see that there is not right or wrong, black and white. This polar thinking hurts the couple.
This is the couple that really has no idea why they are together. When asked what qualities they see in each other you often hear crickets. These two usually got married or involved quickly in a relationship. They do not have the slightest idea who they are and defiantly have no idea who the other is.
So there you have it. My top 5 reasons that therapy can be frustrating for most therapist. To sum things up, do not come to therapy if you do not want to. Please save your time and the therapist if you feel dragged in. If you do then you will not be open to hearing a word that is said. Your guard will be up and nothing but defensiveness and blaming will occur. You may just nod your head and agree to avoid having to be accountable for anything. You owe yourself and your partner more respect.
What is the ideal situation for marriage counseling? There really isn’t one. I can tell you that it works however broken the relationship. It works when two are willing to give it a go. You have enough mutual respect for one another even if your at odds. The communication can be in the gutter. Yelling and screaming may be the common language spoken. I can tell you that with all of the chaos and drama there can be healing and your relationship can survive. All it takes is the slightest bit of willingness.