Marriage Therapy Orlando is very hard at times for a therapist. Believe it or not it is not our favorite ideal situation. Our job is to listen to frustrated couples and try to find a way to help each work through their issues. I am sorry but that requires at times some tough love. It requires hard to hear advice.
It is obvious that when a couple is seeking counseling due to such things as: (an affair, depression or substance abuse, for example), they need to first meet individually and work out these issues with themselves before the couple can ever have an issue worked out. It is next to impossible to work with a couple in any other way.
Each bring in their own set of expectations. irrational thinking, and and assumptions of how the other should or should not be treating them. It is a waste of time, money and effort for all of us involved. When both partners are in a more stable place individually, they can start to address and tackle the issues that brought them into therapy.
Most couples I meet with want to start right away playing the”right and wrong game”. They don’t even remember what the issue is always about but are so stuck in toxic patterns of finger pointing and blaming. I often ask them is they know for a fact that they are right and why. Why does their viewpoint seem to be the only right one? With 8 billion people on this earth, they are right? Is your ego really so frail that you cannot for one second validate your partners understanding of a situation and experience? Go back to kindergarten when you first learned that it is better to understand than to be understood. Focus on your partner and the relationship. Work on being connected instead of being right.
I see week after week couples come in who are determined to “stick it out” when they are clearly miserable. There is cheating going on. The children are overlooked and isolating. The trust and love is out the window, yet they want to breathe life into the marriage. Get it back to what it once was. How is this possible? I ask them to give me their definition of love. When they do, not much comes out of their mouths. They cannot clearly identify what it is they are trying so hard to rekindle. Maybe it’s just the chaos they are addicted to and are stuck in an uncomfortable but all to familiar feeling.
How can marriage therapy Orlando be effective if both are not completely honest. Save your time and money if your not willing to look at reality. Reality says the following:
It would be extremely helpful for both parties to speak their truth. Stop putting more and more distance between the two of you and ripping the kids along the way. Put an end to the insanity.
Stop making each other the center of your complete life. I see couples or one partner following the other around making their social life that of their partners. Get your own hobbies and interest. Both of you need same sex peers to enjoy time away and relax. You will find your relationship can improve if you let each other breathe.
Partners get hurt finding out the other has cheated. Yet to rehash it year after year and bring it up in conversation is beating a dead horse. The inability to move on is your own individual process. Either you can move on or cannot.
You have free will to stay or to leave. I say this to both. “What is it exactly that the person can ever do right if your constantly beating them up”? It happened now move on. OK, so lets talk action and move through it.