Parenting Orlando seems to be hard for the majority of parents I see today. Why our parents so afraid to discipline their children? Why do parents live with so much guilt and shame that they are unable to parent? While you sit with your guilt your child is becoming a giant that is about to overrule you and the rest of the house. You become afraid of your child, afraid of their emotional outburst. You do not want to hurt their feelings. You feel that you are being too harsh if you discipline or tell them to follow the basic rules in the house.
Once your child smells fear then you might as well call it quits. You don’t stand a chance. This sends a message to the child that they can get away with, do anything they want, and that you will never do anything about it.
I think it can be summed up into one word “fear”. Where is that fear stemming from? The fear has nothing to do with your child. The fear has everything to do with you and how you perceived your childhood and your reactions to your current situation. They are all based on the story you’ve made up about your childhood. Yet your playing it out with your child. Totally unaware that conditioning is running the script.
Do you see your childhood as not having a voice, being too strict, unable to speak or have an opinion? If that’s the case you may be running from that and raising your child to have all the voice in the world. They can do whatever they feel they want and now you’re stuck in a mess. The truth is that this very act is also silencing the child. You do everything for them. You are an official helicopter parent. They do not have an opinion about what they think is right for them. It’s about instilling character and morals. Giving a child a sense of autonomy yet still working with the safety of boundaries. Effective listening is key. Understanding your child and how they think. Seek to understand how they are unique and have their own style and way of learning.
So let’s at least get honest and admit that you’re really not seeing your child at all. Your selfishly stealing the life and their childhood years from them. Why would there ever be any room for guilt or shame when it comes to helping children understand that there are boundaries, rules and guidelines in this world to keep them safe?
Feeling guilty when you ask a child to help around the house is a form of selfishness. Not only does it send a message to the kid that they must not be capable of doing anything but it tells yourself that you’re so important you must insert yourself into your child’s life sucking it right out of them.
The following are questions I use with parents to help them see that they are not seeing their child and meeting the needs but instead living in anxiety and fear from their past.
In order for you to start understanding how to effectively parent you must understand why you are making the decisions you are for you kids. What is the desired outcome, why, how are you going to assist them? Are you even going to allow them to do it on their own? If you cannot answer these questions clearly then maybe you need individual counseling to clear away some programming or conditioning from your childhood.
If you find yourself identifying with any of the above examples, don’t wait to seek counseling. Understand my approach and seek to be mindful and present in your child’s life today.