Kids parenting parents. Let’s all get honest as parents here and ask ourselves if the following are true in relation to your child/children. Are the kids in charge of the parents? Calling the shots, telling you where, when and how?
What messages are the kids receiving at this point? Aren’t we saying that we will go to any length to do what they want, accommodate there every need and desire, give them things to avoid the battle?
The truth is that our kids don’t want to be in control but they also do not like the feeling of being controlled. When they sense the parents anxiety and fear this increases their own fear and they must then exert that much more “perceived power” in an attempt to get the adult to step in and establish the consistency and balance. But what usually happens is that when they increase their intensity, we cave, become emotionally unstable and this only increases the problem.
This idea of control and power needs to be shifted into the idea of balance, harmony and a sense of teamwork with the parent at the head of the table making only slight and small adjustments to their child’s behaviors. Not because the child is attempting to control but because they are increasing their understanding and awareness of this world as they grow and mature.
If your child or teen is running the show and you feel powerless and unable to reinstate balance, then counseling can be extremely beneficial. It’s time to restore balance.
The surprising and great thing about restoring the balance is that it can happen in a relatively short time depending on the commitment of the adults. Over the several years of counseling I have seen time and time again that the teen or child may resist a little at first to give up the position as head of the house, but once they see that you the adult have stepped in and are not going anywhere, they are happy to resign and be a kid. Teens in charge of parents will rob them of their childhood and in this fast paced world lets try to help slow it down.