Kids Parenting ParentsWho is in Charge?

Kids parenting parents. Let’s all get honest as parents here and ask ourselves if the following are true in relation to your child/children. Are the kids in charge of the parents? Calling the shots, telling you where, when and how?

• When your teens tries to bully you or over power you, do you more times than not “cave in”. In an effort to stop the fight from escalating and give them what they want?
• Does your day revolve around your children entirely? Meaning instead of modeling a healthy example of parent centered home we have a child centered home?
• Does your teen dictate the day to day schedule as it relates to what you need to get done verses what they want to do?
• Do you find yourself asking your teen if they will help and assist in daily chores, giving them the option to say yes or no?
• Do you find yourself caught up in debating with your teen? Back and forth like a debate match.

What messages are the kids receiving at this point? Aren’t we saying that we will go to any length to do what they want, accommodate there every need and desire, give them things to avoid the battle?

The truth is that our kids don’t want to be in control but they also do not like the feeling of being controlled. When they sense the parents anxiety and fear this increases their own fear and they must then exert that much more “perceived power” in an attempt to get the adult to step in and establish the consistency and balance. But what usually happens is that when they increase their intensity, we cave, become emotionally unstable and this only increases the problem.

This idea of control and power needs to be shifted into the idea of balance, harmony and a sense of teamwork with the parent at the head of the table making only slight and small adjustments to their child’s behaviors. Not because the child is attempting to control but because they are increasing their understanding and awareness of this world as they grow and mature.

The truth is that our kids don’t want to be in control but they also do not like the feeling of being controlled. When they sense the parents anxiety and fear this increases their own fear and they must then exert that much more “perceived power” in an attempt to get the adult to step in and establish the consistency and balance. But what usually happens is that when they increase their intensity, we cave, become emotionally unstable and this only increases the problem.

This idea of control and power needs to be shifted into the idea of balance, harmony and a sense of teamwork with the parent at the head of the table making only slight and small adjustments to their child’s behaviors. Not because the child is attempting to control but because they are increasing their understanding and awareness of this world as they grow and mature.