Kid’s Parenting the Parents | Who is in Charge?
Kid’s parenting their parents. Let’s all get honest as parents here and ask ourselves if the following are true in relation to your child/children. Are the kids in charge of the parents? Calling the shots, telling you where, when and how?
- When your teens tries to bully you or over power you, do you more times than not “cave in”. In an effort to stop the fight from escalating and give them what they want?
- Does your day revolve around your children entirely? Meaning instead of modeling a healthy example of parent centered home we have a child centered home?
- Does your teen dictate the day to day schedule as it relates to what you need to get done verses what they want to do?
- Do you find yourself asking your teen if they will help and assist in daily chores, giving them the option to say yes or no?
- Do you find yourself caught up in debating with your teen? Back and forth like a debate match.
What messages are the kids receiving at this point? Aren’t we saying that we will go to any length to do what they want, accommodate there every need and desire, give them things to avoid the battle?
Kids Don’t Want To Be Your Parent. Kid’s Parenting
The truth is that our kids don’t want to be in control but they also do not like the feeling of being controlled. When they sense the parents anxiety and fear this increases their own fear and they must then exert that much more “perceived power” in an attempt to get the adult to step in and establish the consistency and balance. But what usually happens is that when they increase their intensity, we cave, become emotionally unstable and this only increases the problem.
This idea of control and power needs to be shifted into the idea of balance, harmony and a sense of teamwork with the parent at the head of the table making only slight and small adjustments to their child’s behaviors. Not because the child is attempting to control but because they are increasing their understanding and awareness of this world as they grow and mature.
Restoring The Balance from Kid’s Parenting
If your child or teen is running the show and you feel powerless and unable to reinstate balance, then counseling can be extremely beneficial. It’s time to restore balance.
- Understanding that their role is to be a kid and how to redirect their attention and focus back to themselves
- Understanding the importance of how much you talk to your teen or child as a friend instead of a parent.
- Learning that the word NO is actually a complete sentence and does not need a follow up reason.
- Setting up a safe and structured environment that is predictable and all members clearly know their roles.
The surprising and great thing about restoring the balance is that it can happen in a relatively short time depending on the commitment of the adults. Over the several years of counseling I have seen time and time again that the teen or child may resist a little at first to give up the position as head of the house, but once they see that you the adult have stepped in and are not going anywhere, they are happy to resign and be a kid. Teens in charge of parents will rob them of their childhood and in this fast paced world lets try to help slow it down.