Listening More and Talking Less!
Listening more and talking less is key to a successful relationship. It must be exhausting for those who are constantly preoccupied with taking everyone else’s inventory. Try listening more and talking less. Telling others how to act, how to feel about a situation, respond, not respond, etc. Until we can say we have it figured out ourselves, let’s all just stay in our own hula hoop and worry about keeping things in our own life in order.
If nobody is asking for our opinion or input why don’t we all try to just listen and not respond. The best things are often those not said. To many unsolicited remarks can burn bridges. People stop sharing their feelings around you. They stop communicating. They dumb down the conversation and give you canned answers because they don’t want to hear it.
Isn’t it better to be known as someone who was a great listener than someone who always had something to say about everything.
Let people be who they are, feel how they feel, respond how they choose to respond.
Control is about fear. If you feel the need to constantly put your two cents in then maybe you need to stop running from yourself and find out why you feel such anxiety and need to tell others what to do. People stop listening to those who cannot hold the space. When I use this word “hold the space”, I am referring to the ability to let someone do the work they need to do and you do nothing but allow. Allow space, support, a quiet place they can feel safe to be authentic and real.
Learn to refrain through mindfulness the impulsive need to always give advice when none ask for it. Children can figure it out and need to at times struggle to internally come to the answer that feels right with them. Recognize that it is your own inability to sit still with yourself.
Benefits of Talking Less and Listening More
Checklist Before Giving Advice:
Ask yourself these questions before you verbally and impulsively spew out at the mouth without any thought.
1. Is what I want to say necessary?
2. Is what I want to say more about what I feel is the right answer and less about the other person?
3. Is what I am about to say coming from a place of unconditional love or as a knee jerk reaction to fix and control? Is it going to be helpful or hurtful?
4. Resort back to this final question after asking yourself questions 1-3. Do I really need to say anything at all?
Chances are the answer is “No”. Nothing needs to be said. God gave us two ears and only one mouth. Let’s listen twice as much and learn to discipline ourselves before we open our mouth to tell everyone else around us what they should do, act, say, feel and believe. Stop playing God. That position has been filled.